THE BEST DAMN TMNT FANFIC EVAH
by AcidBlossom
Summary: This is a parody of TMNT 2012 that eventually becomes a parody of fan fiction in general. It's a trilogy filled with romance, heartbreak, action, and adventure. It's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles like you've never seen them before and will hopefully never see again. Please note that this is my first official story. Review please!
1. Chapter 1

**Um...Yeah.**

**I swear to God, this is purely parody. I'm not this stupid. In fact, as both a daughter of an English professor and an aspiring author, it was actually painful to right this. About 90% if the spelling and grammar errors were intentional (some were legit fuck ups, but not that many). I don't know how or why I came up with this. I started this the night Booyaka-Showdown premiered and have been adding to it ever since then. This is basically the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle version of My Immortal. I added all the elements I despise seeing in fanfiction: gramatical/spelling errors, a nonsensical plot, out of place crossovers, M-Preg (eventually), and much more. I also added and exploited the part of the TMNT fandom I hate more than anything: T-Cest. Ugh...I swear, that fucking disgusts me. And I go out of my way to make fun of it here. You're welcome and I'm sorry. **

**This is based on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2012, though there will a be a point where you can't even tell.**

**This an epic trilogy filled with romance, heartbreak, drama, action, and adventure. Join Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello, and Michelangelo as they venture through the turmoil of forbidden love and the rise of evil, making new friends along the way. It's the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles like you've never seen them before! ...And will hopefully never see again.**

**I don't legally own any of the characters or franchises featured in this "story."**

**Let's get this over with.**

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THE BEST DAMN TMNT FIC EVAH

PART 1- BRING ME TO LIFE

It was a sunny day and the air was crisp and clean. Except the turtles wouldn't know that because they lives in the sewers.

Leonardo woke up in the same bed as Raphael. They had a long night of really good shmex and Leonardo was aching from the waist down. But that was okay because he loved Raphael so much that not even this pain could stop it. Leonardo took his birth control pill and the two went to the kitchen and met up with Donatello and Michelangelo.

It was okay dat leo and raph were in luv because they aren't biologically related to each other, and neither are donnie and mikey (they're in lov 2). They only considered each other brothers because they were adopted by Master Splinter. Master Splinter didn't know about these intimate relationships, tho, becuz da turtles kno that he wouldn't approve becuz hhe considers the turtles as his son so in that case he'd think it's incest. Also, Leo and Raph had had girlfriends in the past and all four turtles were pansexual.

At breakfast, Michelangelho took out some left over pizza and put it in the toaster. adter fiv minuts, he put in the middle of teh tabel amd dumped oatmeal on it.

"Ohayogozaimasu, my sons." Splinter said, walking into the kitchen.

"Good morning, sensei." the four brothers said in unison. When Splinter wasn't looking, Donnie sneaked a kiss onto a hickey on Mikey's neck.

Then their sister, Venus de Milo, came in and said hi. Everybody just groaned in response because she was really annoying and she only existed to be Leo and Raph's love interest that they would always fight over and she would ruin their brotherly relationship. But she failed because they were in loved each other and didn't give a darn about her. None of the brothers gave her the affection they give each other because they don't like her and neither does anybody else. She had some weird powers that look like from Dragon Ball Z, though, which Mikey secretly thought was kind of cool, even though he knew she only had them because the writers had no idea what thy were doing.

April and her dad came down and they had breakfast too; though they just ate the oatmeal, not that the pizza. Donajello felt really uncomfortable around April. You see, even though he was going out with Mikey and they had sex all the time, a piece of his heart yearned for April. He thinks it's his testosterone making him feel this way because he's a teenager but he still wasn't sure if he was truly in in love witj Abril or not. Michelangelo was aware of this but didn't let it bother him; he knew that in the end, Donatello would pick the right person- him.

L8ur that day, Leo watched an episode of Star Trek (not space heroes; that was canceled already). As he watched, he wrote a Kirk/Spock slash fanfic that had lots of lemons (dat meens sex scenes) and he knew that he was going to get great reviews on . He showed one of the lemons to Ralph, who just winked at him and said that they were going to replicate that tonite. Leo blushed and they made out ubtil they herd Flinter come in. When the rat wasn't looking or listening, Raph spanked Leo sexily.

That evening, the turtles went to keep watch over TCRI for any suspicious Kraang activity. It was quiet…too quiet. It didn't seem that the Kraang were going to do anything evil tonight. They were probably playing Halo or something.

When they got home, Donny and Asprul went down to Donnie's lab. Timothy/The Pulverizer made this weird gurgling noise that could be transtlated into English as "Hey, Donnie, when're you gonna change me back into a human?"

"Shut the fuck up, Timothy." Donnie replied. Even though he promised Timothy he'd get him back to normal he knew he was never going to have time to keep that promise because he had enough shit to do already with stopping the Kraang and all. Donnie looked into April's emotionless blue eyes all shyly. "April, there's something I've been meaning to ask you." he said. "Can we…make out?"

April replied, ""Sure."

Donnie smiled all happily. Then they started making out.

But then Mikey came in! He was going down there to ask Donnie if he wanted to screw but was horrified at what he had walked in on.

"THIS CANNOT BE!" MIKEY SCREamed.

"MILEY THIS ISNT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!" DonNIe cried out.

But Mikey didn't wanna haer it. He ran out of the room, cring.

Mickley was so deprezzed and heartborken and upset. He started crying even though he was already crying. Limpid tears trickled down his face. He yurned on the TV and started watching My Lil' Pony Friendshit iz Mahic beacus he was 2 sad to chang te channel. HE TOOOOOOOK OUT HIS T-Pod and started singing along to a Simple Plan song "HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO MEEEEE" He knew he had this coming after he had that one night stand with Leatherhead. But he was still mad and sad at Donatelmo.

Mean while, Donnie just sighd. He was going to have 2 deal with the situation afeter dis. 1st things 1st- he wanted to si what it was like to hav sex with a female because Leo and Raph have had sex with girls b4 and they said it was awesome. Donnie was about to ask if April wanted to do it.

Then, all of a sudden, some weird looking kid with black hair ran in. He wore a white hockey m sk, blue jeans, and a black hoody that said "Avril Lavinge" on the back. It was Casey Jones! In dis unverise, Cassy didn'y know the turdles yet so he was completely confused. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?!" HE YELLLED, pointing to Donatelo.

"It's fine, Casey." April assured him. "He's one of my friends."

"Who da fucxk is that?" Donnie asked.

"oh this is my boyfreind." April replied.

"WAIF A SEC." DONNie snacped. "SINCE WHEN DID YOU HAVE A BOYDFIRNED THAT WASN'T ME?!"

"Sincee before I met you guys." Spril replied.

"WHY DIDN'T U FICKING TELL M,E?!"

"Well, if you wanted honesty that's all you had to say."

Donnie screamed. "NOOOOO! YOU DIMWIT!" Donnie ra out of the lab and hoped to god that Mikey would forguve him. He should've known all along thayt April was a deceitful little shit!

"Well that was lame." Casey said cynically. "Let's blow this popsicle stand."

"Totally." April said with a nod.

But then Mr. O'Neil walked in. "Hi, April." he said.

"Oh hey dad." said April. "I'm gonna go out with Casey. Btw, Donnie and I made out."

"WHAT?!" Mr. O'Neil yelled.

"Bye." April and Casey went up to the surface together holding hands.

Mr. O'Neil stopped existing after this.

Donnie found Mikey on the couch, watching Mlpfim with tears in his baby blue eyes. Donnie kneeled in front of him and said that he was sorry for cheating on him and that'd he never do it again. Mikey wiped his eyes and that it's okay. Just as he Donnie got on top of him and they started making out for a few minutes and they HAD SEX. Raph's pet turtle, Spike, thought it was sexy and started watching them, smoking a cigar.

Meanwjile, Leo and Raph were in the dojo. They told Splinter they were going to be training on their own for a while. In reality, they were making out.

But Splinter walked in! And he was rage! "YOU LUDACRIS IDIOTS!"

"Sensei, this isn;'t wat it lukes like!" Leo begged.

"Urusai, baka!" Splinter snpped. "This is a disgrace to the Hamato family name!"

Leo and Raph looked at each other sadly with tears in there eyies. Now splintre wasgoing to fin about the secret romances and forbid them to hav anymoar smex.

Master Splinter made and Leo and Raph folloed him 2 da livngn room. But then they saw something that made the situyatieoun 1000000000% worse.

DONNIE AND MIKEY WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LIVING ROOM, DOIN' IT! AND SPIKE WAS WATCHING!1!1!

Leo yelled, "NO!". Now they were going to hget in eeven moar trouble.

Raph was furious because Spike wasn't aloud to watch people screw.

"EXCUS ME! WHAT IS THIS MONSTROSITY?!" Splinter screamed.

Don and Mik looked up and screamed. They were cought red handed!

"YOU ARE FOBIDDEN TO HAVE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH EACH OTHER!" SPLINTER YELLED. "OR WITH ANYONE ELSE FOR THAT MATTER!"

All of a sudden, two silver blades went threw Spilter's chest. Scarlet blud began to ooze out as his body became all limp. Leorado had stabbed his own father!

"OH MY GOD DID YOU JUST FUCKING KILL HIM?" Donnie asked.

"YEAH I JUST FUCKING KILLED HIM I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE SMART ONE." Leo replied. He pulled back his katanas and Splinter's body fell to the floor lifelessly. A pool of blood started to form.

Leo and Raph watched Donnie and Mikey finish their fucking. It made them really horny but they knew they didn't have time to do it themselves. Once they finished and cleaned up the mess, they all stood around Splinter's body.

But then Venus skipped in all happy-wappy. Then she screamed. "MASTER SPLINTER NO! WHO COULD HAVE DONE THIS!"

"Get out, Venus. You're irrelevant." Leo said to her. And she left.

"What do we do with the body?" Mikey asked.

They decided to pour gasoline all over the body and set it on fire. Then they doused the flames and put the ashes in a box that had "our beloved sensei" written on it in black sharpie.

The turtles took advantage of life without a dad and decided watch this movie called The Big Lebowski, a movie that Splinter would never let them watch before. They thought it was hilarious and quite ironic because there's a character in it named Donny who's even stupider than Mikey.

Mwanwhile, Casey Jonas took April on a date. They went to this café that had live music performances. On stage was some brunette kid who was kind of cute i guess but not really. He was singing songs that sounded like they were made in 2005, which is really old.

"Why did you take me here?" April asked casey.

Casey toooooook Apilr by the hands and looked into her eyes all saldy. "I have a confession to make." he confessed. "my real name is Josh Nichols. i just changed it because casy jones sounded cooler."

"Oh, okay." April said. "so whose that on stage?"

"oh that's my stepbrother Drake." josh said, gesturing towards the stage.

Drake sturmmed a guitar even though he really didn't actually know hoe to play it. He was with his band whose members change every episode. Then he began to sing, "IT'S GONNA TAKE SOME TIME TO REALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZE"

Den one of da ampliyers xploded. A girl was standing a few inches away, grinning michiviolusly. It was Drak and Casey's little sister, Megan!

"NOT THIS TIME, LITTLE GIRL" CASEy yelled at the tops of his lung, pulling his hockey stick out of his pants.

April had stopped caring about this and left the café. But as she was walking out, she got attacked! It was Karai! And she was going to take April to the Shredder! Oh no!

With all the stress of Splinter's death and everyfing it took the turts a few hours to realize that April was missing. It was getting late so decided to look for her in the morning. Dopnny was going to insist that they look now, but he didn't want to give the impression that he still liked her and therefore make Michelangeley suspisous.

"OMFG NO!" Donnie suddenly started screaming.

"What's wrong, honey?!" Mikey cried out.

But Donnie didn't say anything. His eyes rolled up and he had a vision. Then his eyes went back to normal and he said, "I just had a vision of what was happening to April! SHREDDER HAS HER CAPTIVE!"

Well anyway, they all decided to go to bed. Leo and Raph always slept in the same bed and so did Donnie and Mikey. Venus had to sleep alone because she has to.

Donnie and Mikey got in bed and Donnie started necking Mikey. They started making out against the headboard of the bed.

Mikey's face got all red and he got flustered. "Donnie…" he panted

"Yeah, baby?" Donmie sed in a deeeeep, sexah vocie.

"Let me conceive your child, Donnie" Mikey moaned

And then they had sex again. It was so freaking hot and sexy oh my god i want a piece of that ass.

The next morning, they woke up andwent to the kitchen fir breakfast and met up with Raph and Leo. Venust was dere 2 but nobody really cared. Mikey started making pizza omelets for everyone.

"OMFG NO!" Donnie suddenly started screaming.

"What's wrong, honey?!" Mikey cried out.

But Donnie didn't say anything. His eyes rolled up and he had a vision. Then his eyes went back to normal and he said, "I just had a vision of what was happening to April! SHREDDER HAS HER CAPTIVE!"

"Oh no!" Venus exclaimed. "What are we going to do?!"

But then Raphael snapped, "SHUT UP, BITCH. YOU'RE NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO EXIST. GET OUT OF THE STORY"

Venus suddenly vanished into thin air and wasn't acknowledged again after that.

"We have to save April from the Shredder!" Leo said leaderly.

Meanwhile, at Shredder's throne room, April was captive.

Shreddeer liaughed like a villain. "BWAHAHAHA! Now I'll just have to hand you over to the Kraang and Hamato Yoshi will come to save you and I can kill him!"

Karai shook her head. "Father, you're such a dork."

"SHUT UP, KARAI." Shredder snapped. "GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH."

Then the Turtles came!

"NO!" Shredder yelled.

Raph stared at Karai with rage in his eyes. He had a vendetta against her because Leo cheated on him with her for a few a while behind his back. He had forgiven Leo because Raph had cheated on him a few times before and could now empathize with him but he will always hate Karai and will never stop hating her until the end of days.

"FUCKING LITTLE WHORE!" RAPH YELLED, pounceing onto her. He got on tp of her and piereced her heart with one of his sais.

"AHAHAHAHAHA!" Shredder laughd maniaclly, seeming unconcerned with the fact that his daughter was killed…Because Karai wasn't actually his daughter! And nobody realized this until he said this- "YOU FUOOL! You just killed your sister!"

"HUH?" All four turtles said at the same time.

"Karai is Spluncker's daughter!" Shreedder said expositionly. "Her real name is Miwa and I kidnapped her when she was a baby and I killed Tang Shen, who is kind of your mother! But I lied to Karai all these years by saying that I'M her father and SPLINTER killed Tang Shen! That's why she hates you! And now she is dead!"

"Oh wow I feel really gross now." Leo said. He used to be in love with Karai but now he has learned that she's his onee-chan.

"Take that news to Sprinter; that his son killed his daughter." Shredder said.

"But Spinter's dead." Milky said.

"WHAT." SHREDer screamed. "WHAT. WHO KILLED HIM."

Everyone pointed at Leo.

"YOU!" Shredder yelled. "I WAS SUPPOSED TO KILL SPRINKLER!"

"Yeah whatever, douchebag." Leo said irritated. "What the Hell doyou have against him anyway? I mean, he must've done worse than steal your gurl and fuck up your face if you still have this eternal vendetta aginst him."

Shredder shrugged. "No, that's pretty much it."

"Wow you're a fucking loser." Leo scofffffed

But then! Jim Levenstein, Samwise Gamgee, Yakko Warner, and Beast Boy jumped through the window for no apparent reason! Glass shards flew everywehr and the 2 grps of chracters stared at each other face 2 face.

"AWESOME!" Mikey and Meast Boi exclaimed in unison, high fiving each other. Their voices together almost sounded demonic because they sound exactly that sam.

Then an interdemissional porteral opened up and sucked Jim, Sam, Yakko, and Beast Boy up. They weren't supposed to be in the same room together because they all have the same voices actores as the turtlies. Yakko blew a kiss to the invisible audience. "Good night everybody!" he said.

"Well that was weird." Leo sed.

Then another portsal opened up and the 1987 versions of the turts came out.

"Holy shit dudes." Retro Michelangelo said. "This is awesome!"

"Wow other me sounds like a stoner." 2012 Mikely sed.

"WHAT IS GOING ON" Shredder yelled.

"Oh, shit!" Retro Raphael exclaimed. "it's the shredder!"

"Why does other me sound like Donnie?" 2012 Rph asked.

"Because he can." said Rob Paulsen, who wasn't there.

"Hey, I'm still here," April said, who was still captive. "Are you guys gonna free me or what?"

"Oh god this April's like thirty years younger than ours." Retro Leonardo said.

"I feel really uncomfortable now." Retro Donatello said.

And so the two groups of turtles joined forces and decided to fight the Shredder. It was a really awesome fight and describing it would take up too much space.

The Shredder ran away. "I'll get you next time, turtles!" he said. "Next time!" And then they could hear a cat being hit by a car from outside.

"COWABUNGA!" roared the 1987 turtles in triumph. And then they spontaneously combusted.

"Well, that's done." said Leo. "Let's go home and have sex."

"HEY AREN'T YOU GOING TO FREE ME?" April asked.

"Fuck you, April." Donnie said. "Ever since we met you, you've done nothing but bring misery and stress upon our lives." So the four turtle brothers went home without Splinter, Venus, or April to ever bother them again. So now they could have sex all day and every day. And that's exactly what they did. Then they went to sleep.

When Donnie woke up to a shocking sight. Mikey was dead! There was knife in his chest that was so deep that it pierced through his shell. Blood was everywhere. There was a sticky note from the Shredder on the knife that said "FUCK YOU" on it.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !" Donnie screamed in horror. "MY MILEY!"

Leo ran in with Ralph. Leo began to say, "Donnie, it's been revealed that...NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Donnie started bawling his eyes out as he held Mikey's corpse. Leo hugged Donnie to comfort him. Raph went into a fit of rage and started cursing the Shredder and Karai even though Karai's dead and had nothing to do with the situation.

Then Leo had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed.

"What is it?" asked Raph and Donnie.

"It's something I saw on televison." Leo explained. "It's risky, complicated, and kind of stupid. But it just might work."

And so Leo, Raph, and Donnie got on a ship to Japan so they could get the seven Dragon Balls from some dude named Goku. When they got there, Goku gave them the balls and told them how to summon the dragon to get their wish, as well as warned them that after this Mikey couldn't be revived with the Dragon Balls ever again because that's the rule apparently. So Leo, Raph, and Donnie summoned Shenron the dragon with the Dragon Balls and they wished for Mikey to come back to life. Shenron's eyes glowed all red and there was a flash of light.

"You're wish has been granted." Shenron said. "Farewell!" Then he disappeared and the Drasgpm Bdlls flew away in all different directions. Then it was all quiet.

Suddenly, Mikolangelo groaned ans sat up. He blinked a few times before looking agt his brothers. Just as he Donnie ran to hug him. They were crying tears of joy and stuffs like that.

They started making out passionately until they fell over and started fucking. Then Leo and Raph started fucking alongside them. Goku just watched from a distance, too naïve to be turned on. His wife, Chi-Chi, stomped outside and yelled at him for letting these turtle people have sex in their yard. Goku just laughed and said he had no idea what she was talking about because he's an idiot.

"IT'S OVER 9000!" Vegeta said.

Before the turtles left, Raph kicked Krillin's ass all the way to the moon even though it had been blown up by Piccolo already. Then the turtles went home.

When they had gotten home, they began strategizing a new strategy to take the Shredder down because fighting him and the Kraang was becoming really redundant.

So they went back to the Shredder's house. It was really easy to break in because Chris Bradford and Xever were too busy making out to stop them. So now the turtles can fight the Shredder. Only Shredder wasn't there. Instead, Dexter Stinkman was there!

"It's Baxter Stockman!" he snappily corrected the narrator. "Why does everybody get my name wrong?!"

"Where's the Shdredder, Baxrat?" Leo interriogated.

"Haha! As if I'm telling you turds!" Bastard laughed. He took out a shiny silver gun thingy. "Now I will test my new invention on you- the Youngifyer of Doom!" He pointed th gun at the turtles. "Prepare to be ruined for life" he said in a really dark and evil voice that sounded like Vamp from Metal Gear Solid 2.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life." Mikey said, bored out of his witts because Bazxter was a prick.

"SCREW YOU, MICHELANGELO!" Sebaxtion snapped, shooting Mikey with the youngifyer and it turned Mikey into an adorable five year old!

Donnie's face got all red and he got a nosebleed. Chibi Mikey was so fucking cute it almost hurt. It gave Donnie an erection but nobody could see it because a turtle's dick is inside their shells i think i don't know about turtle biology. He was considering keeping Mikey that way forever and ever. But then he realized that they'd never be able to screw ever again because being in love with a five year old is immoral and illegal. Besides, Mikey was still really adorable even though he's not a little kid anymore. So Donnie wiped off his nose and said to Baxter "Turn Miley back!"

"NEVER!" BAXTER SAID. But his finger slipped and he accidentally shot Moikey a second time, thus reversing the effect. "GODDAMN IT!" Baxter yelled. And then Raph did sometheiing he should've doen at the beginning- slit that nerd's throat.

But then two mutants, a rhino and warthog, came in!

"Who're you?" asked Mikye.

"I'm Bebop!" said the wathop.

"And I'm Rocksteady!" said the rhinociours. "Master Shredder has asked us to kick your $$£$ for him."

"Wait a minute, how long have you been a part of the plot?" asked Doni

"Since 1987." replied Beboop.

"Dudes, fuck off." Raph said cynically. "Everybody's forgotten about you two and Shredder's aleady replaceted youp."

"It's true!" said somebody. It was Shredder! "You've been replaced by Bradfof and Xezer even though they're more focused on each other than on helping me."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" sscrramed Bebop and Rocksteady as the interdemisnional border portal opended up and suent them back to the eighties.

"Now, if u want 2 free April O'Neil, u'll have 2 get thru me!" Shredder said all evilly and stuff.

"Keep her. We don't want her anymore." Donnie said.

Shredder suddenly seemed really embarrassed. "Oh…I wasn't expecting this."

"What do you mean?" asked the turtles.

"Well," said Shreddder, "teh pla was going 2 b that I was going 2 hand Avril to the Kraand. Then you were sopposed to come and try to get her back but it'd be too late and you'd feel like dorks. But now that you aren't even gonna tried, theis was pointless."

"Wait, you alrwady handed April to the Kraang?" asked the turtles.

"Yeah." replied Shredder. "And now the whole world is pretty much fucked."

The turtles looked at each other, looking for an answer in each other's eyes. They honestly didn't care anymore and just wanted to go home

"Well, we're just gonna go now." Leo said as they were leaving. "See ya later."

"No! Wait!" Shredder tried to stop them. "We have to stop the Craig! All I wanted was vengeance upon your sensei! I didn't want the world to be taken over by aliens!"

"Well maybe you should've thought of that _before_ you made an alliance with the Kraang." Mikey said. All the turtles laughed and Shredder screamed no.

The Kraang handed April over to their leader, Rosanne Barr. They neeed April becase her mental energy is most intune with the earth. Or something like that (That's what all the forums say). And Rosanne and the Kraang could use it to take over the world and make it just like Dimension X.

And so the turtles went back to their lair and watched Monsters Inc. together, completely protected from the chaos happening above them on the New York streets. The Kraang were probably mutating and/or killing countless innocent people. But the turtles didn't care. In fact, they didn't care about anything anymore. All they ever wanted and needed was each other. Nothing else in the universe mattered to them.

And then they had a foursome. The end.

TO BE CONTINUED...

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**Yeah. To be continued. There's gonna be MORE.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's part two of the three parts of this breathtakingly beautiful story. This is the point where the story starts to lose touch with TMNT and basically becomes a parody of fanfics in general. Enjoy what you can. And remember: this is SUPPOSED to be shitty. **

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THE BEST DAMN TMNT FIC EVAH

PART 2- THE GIFT GIVEN FROM GOD

It had been five years since the Kraang took over the world…Oh wait if it had been five years then that would mean the turtles would be twenty and therefore wouldn't bee TEENAGE mutant ninja turtlies. Never mind. Lemme start over. *clears throat* It had been five MONTHS since the Kraang took over the world. Yeah that sounds better.

It was a dark and stormy night or something like that. All four of the turtles were fast asleep…or were they? Raph were unaware of the facxct that he and Mikey were going to be sleeping alone for most of tonight.

Leonardo and Raphael were constantly arguing like a married couple on the verge of divorce. And while they claimed they still loved each other, the truth of the matter was that they were making each other's lives miserable. Because of this, Leo was going through a sever midlife crisis even though he's only fifteen. This is what happens when you spend five months in isolation with your boyfriend who is technically your brother but not really and your other two brothers who aren't really your brothers.

Unhappy with Raph, Leo decided to do something risky. He asked Donatello to screw him even though he was Michelangelo's lover. And all three of them knew how mad Raph would be if he ever found out. The last time Leo cheated on Raph, he was infuriated and actually killed the person he cheated on him with (who was Karai). But still, this was something Leo thought was necessary, just to relieve sexual stress. And so, with Mikey' persimmon, Donnie agreed to fuck Leo even though he didn't really understand how this was supposed to help the situation.

Okay so Leo and Donnie snuck down to Donnie's lab. They just stared into each other's eyes for a few seconds.

"Are you sure you want me to do this?" Donnie asked, still aprehsnive apout this.

Leo nodded slowly. "I'm sure."

Donnie sighed. And then…He jumped onto leo! They began to make out passibely as their tongues rubbed against each other and they were drooling saliva.

Then they jumped on each other and they started to has sex. And it GOOOOOD.

Donatello repeated rhythmic and unwilling moans as he reluctantly made love to his eldest brother. As he forced himself to continue on, his heart ached. He ached for his true love, his sweet little Michelangelo. Just as he reached the climax, he whispered in an inaudible whisper, "I'm so sorry, Miley-chan…"

"Oh! Oh! Oh!" Leonardo screamed, overwhelmed by pleasure as all of the pain and agony the arguments with Raphael brought upon him were washed away by the orgasm caused by the sweetness of Donatello's velvet touch. And then, all of a sudden, in the intensity of this glorious sexual intercourse, Leonardo passionately sexily moaned something that made Donatello's heart skip a bet- "I LOVE YOU, DONATELLO!"

Donatello didn't say abything about that remark but on the inside he was secretly thinking "oh please dear god no" becacause if Leonardo fell in love with him then the whole house was going to break out into chaos as all four turtles would go through a bloody war over who is the lover of who. The battle would rage on and on for forty days and forty nights, just like Jesus during that Temptation Story in the Gospel in the Bible, until it was all settled. That would be very stressful. So Donatello hoped that what Leonardo said was just out of horniness and not out of actual affection.

And so they went back to sleep, hoping that Raph would never find out about this. The next morning at brekfast they pretended that none of it happened.

Mikey opened the refriegerator. "Goddamn it I knew this was going to happen eventually." he said.

"What is it, Miley?" Doniie asked.

"We fucking ran out of piza!" Mikchelangelo exclammed.

It was only a matter of time before the turtles ran out of pizza. They never went to the surface since the Kraang took over because they didn't want to deal with them or with anybody else for that matter. They just wanted to isolate themselves away from everyone else where they had the only two things they needed- sex and pizza. The day of the take ober, they ordered a few dozen of pixxas to live off of. Eventually, Mikey ran out of ingrediants to put on the piza, and now they were flat-out completely out of pizza. So now they were in a pickle.

Even if the turtles dared to leave the lair for more pizza, it wouldn't matter because they were broke. They spent all their monies on renting Boardwalk Empire episode DVDs from Netflix..

"So what do we do now?" Raph asked.

"Why don't you go get a fucking job, you fucking asshole" Leo snapped.

"Shut up, bich." Raph snapped.

Leonardo and Raphael were constantly arguing like- oh did i explain this already? Sorry about that. Okay moving on.

Mikey proceeded to make the turtles' fav drink- The Turtle Cocktail. It was a special e;ixer. Donnie came up with the recepee and Mikey named it (duh).

To make The Turtle Cocktail, all you have to do is mix the following ingredients in a blender- Red Bull, Mountain Dew, Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, Sunny D, rum, a banana, sugar, spice, everything nice, Chemical X, water from Niagara Falls, Steve Buscemi's blood, Chuck Norris's sweat, Kristen Stewart's tears, urine, and crystal meth. Yummy!

After they finished their drinks, the turtles gave up. They deceid to go up to the surface to get sum moar pizzas. SO THEY OPENED the manhole cover to leave the swer (because that's where they lived).

They gaspu

Everybody was mutatant! Animal people were walking around all over the neighborhood as if it were completely normal. A dog wering a tophat looked at the turtles and lifted ip his hat and said "Top of the morning, govnah!"

"What the fuk is going on?" Raph asked.

"I have no fucking clue." Leo replied.

So some time passed and the turtles adjusted to ths post-apoctolyptic mutatnt future and Raph got a job at McDonald's. Mikey got a job, too. He got a job Pizza Hut but got fired after an hour for making disgusting pizzas with jellybeans and fudge and shit like that. But Raph got a job at McDonals and made somewhat decent income. Well, it was enough for pizza at 2least. And things were beginning to patch up between Raph and Leo so everything was happy again. For now…

A fw weeks had pased. Donie was wraping up his super secet project- a beautiful engagement rin he wa goin 2 us to popose to Mikey. It was a fourteen carrot gold ring with a big diamond in the middle that Donnie took the time to make from compressing coal. It was aligned with blue topazes that were the same color as Mikey's eyes. They were alrayd trying to get moiky pragenent they migh as well get married. Oh yeah i forgot to mention that Donnie and Mikey had een trying to make a baby though they didn't have any lufck yet. The n Mikey walked un and Donnie hid the ring. So yhey began to make out passionately and Donnie was about to pop the question when Leo ran into the lab in tears.

"The Hell's wrong with you?" Mikey asked.

"SHUT THE HELL UP, MIKEY" LEO YELLED "RAPHN AND I GT IN A FIGHT AND IT MENTALLY SCARED ME DONNUE I NEED U 2 FUK ME AGIN"

"Fuck off, Leo." Donnie snapped. "I got my own fucking boyfriend and so do you. Now go away."

"PLEASE DONNMIE I BEGD OF YOU PLEACSE DO THIS FOR ME?!"

Donnie looked at Mikey, who seemed kind of sad but nodded his head in approval. "Do it on one condition."

"What's that, Miley?" Donnie asked.

A mischievous grin spread across Mikely's face. "Lte's make it a threesome."

And then everyone got horny. And they had a treesome. It was glorious.

Ralph thought he heard fucking but he shrugged it off. He was too busy watching Resovir Dogz with Spoke.

After wthe freesome was over, Leo began to question his relationship with Reaph.

"Maybe you two should try to have a kid" Milky sejusted. "That's what bringing me and Donnie closer"

"We don't want any fucking kids right now." Leo said. "We already got Spik."

Donnie shook his head. "Leo you canm't to this anymore. We can't keep fucking around like tjis. Raph's gpojnna find out and he'll kill all three of uos."

And then everyone went to ved. Donnie and Mikey got in bed.

"Oh hey did you take your pregnancy test?" Donnie asked.

"Yeah." Meikey replied. "It came out negative again."

"Goddamn it, why can't we conceive?!" Donnie exclaimed.

Mickey began to think about it. "Hmmm…Maybe I should use a different birth control pill."

"WHAT?!" Donnie yelled.

"I said I should use a different birth control pill." Milky replied. "That's what they do, right? Control birth?"

"ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU'VE BEEN TAKING YOUR GODDAMN PILLS THE WHOLE TIME WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO KNOCK YOU UP?!"

"Yeah."

"MICHELANGELO YOU FUCKING DUNCE THOSE **STOP **YOU FROM GETTING PRAEGNANT!"

Mikey gasped. "Omfg I'm sorry Donnie i had no clue" his pale blue eues flikked with limpid tears that fell down his Olive Garden green face.

Donnie kissed Mikey's forehead and whispered. "Stop taking the pills, Miley. Now let's make a baby."

AND THEN THEY HAD SEX AND IT WAS SEXY.

Then they went to sleep. And Donnie had a vision in a dream. He was walking through the lair, which looked like a pigsty. And then he saw himself only about thirty years older.

"What the fuck is going on?" Donnie asked.

"You're thirty years into the future." Future Donnie explained. "I'm sending you a message through a dream because it's the future and we have the technology to do that. This is after everything got fucked up with us. Tomorrow night, Raph will walk in on you and Leo and he'll dump Leo even though he still oves him. Raph gets so deprpezed about it he ODs of heroine. Leo got depressed aout that so he had fucked a prostitute named Lotus Blossom to relieve himself of guilt but he got HIV and died a year later. And after I marry Miley I finally managed to get him tnangerp but he had a misscarrige and he got so upset that he hing himse;f. So that's what happened."

Donnue was nonchalant about the whole story until the part where Mikey gets preggers. Then he started caring. "HOLY SHIT I GET MILEY PRAEGANT?!" He was so happy because he now knows that he and Mikey are capable of making a baby.

"Yeah" Futire donie said. "But he will have a miscarige and kill himself if you don'r strop Rapj and Lep from breaking up. I should also Wmention that there's an alternate timeline where you gige into Leo and you two fall in love and Miley literally dies of broken heart. And Raph magically disappears."

"Why is that relevant?" Donnie asked.

"Because it is." said Rob Paulsen, who wasn't there.

"Younger me, you need to save Leo and Raph from breaking up!" Future Donnie saind. "Or you'll be the last turtle left!"

"I'll do it." Donnie committed. "I'll do it for Miley and our unborn child."

Then there was an awkward silence.

"Hey, I'll suck your dick for ten dollars." Future Donnie offered.

"FUCK YOU." Donnie nsapped.

Then he woke up.

He looked at the still sleeping Mikchelandgelo. HE THEN WHISPERED to himself that he'll do anything to prevent the future from happening. He'll do anything in his power to save his unborn child from Leo and Raph's stupididty.

So some time later that day, Donnie was in his room, examining the ring he made. He wasn't sure how much more he should wait until he should propose to Mikey. Then Leo came in.

Leo really wanted to fuck with DONnie again but he knew he was going to say no so he began to stir up a awkwerdl conversation avout stuff.. Leo sed "So, Donnie, what do you think of…uhh…world politics?"

This has been going on long enough for oDnnie to know that Leo was horny. "No, Lamenardo. Just no. We;re carrying on yhis gpoddamn affair. Stay with fucking Raph and leave me the fuck alone so I can make Miley the mother of my child. Speaking of Miley, I can't have sev wit u without his permission."""""""""""""""""

Leo just said. "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." He got all up in Donnuy's face and said "Besides…I don't love Raph anymore." That actually wasn't true, He still loved Raphael. Kind of. He wanted to love him but he wasn't sure if Raph still loved him. So, since he's been using Donnie to relieve his sexual aggression, he decided to manipulate him to fuck him again so Raph can walk in on them this time but he didn't tell Donnie because he didn't. So when_Raph_walks in, he'll be jealous and will beg Leo to take him back. That was his plan a;; a;ong.

Donnie gave up. He fucking gave up. "You want me to fuck you? Fine. Fucking fine. Anything to let this dumb fanfic end. Strip down baby because WE'RE GONNA HAVE SEX, MOTHERFUCKER." Then he realized that Leiop was in a trace.

Leonerdo's azure eyes were misty. His cheeks were a rosy red. He was feeling all hot. "You had me at 'hello'" leo said all sexily, even though Donnie never said hello at any point in this story.

And then they got in Donnie's bed and they HAD SEX.

When they were done, they layed in bed together all cozy.

"Tell me a little about yourself, Donatello." Leonardo said.

"Well," Donatello began as he put an arm around Leonardo and lit a cigar he stole from Spike. "Not much to tell. I was, uh, one of the authors of the Port Huron Statement. And then I, uh…Ever heard of the Seattle Seven?"

AND THEN RAPH WALKED IN ON THEM.

…AND SO DID MIKEY…THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN.

"WHAT THE HELL IS YOU DOING" RAPH YELLED IN ANGRY

"DONNIE YOU SAID WOULDN'T DO THIS ANYMORE" MIKEY CREID

"MILEY THIS ISNT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE" DONNIE CRIED

But Leo calmly crossed his arms like a sassy bitch and said to raphel "This is what you've been missing out on, you bastard."

As Donnie looked into Michkely's sad eyes, he suddenly had a flashback…

_"Yeah" Futire donie said. "But he will have a miscarige and kill himself if you don'r strop Rapg and Lep from breaking up. I should also Wmention that there's an alternate timeline where you gige into Leo and you two fall in love and Miley literally dies of broken heart. And Raph magically disappears."_

_"Why is that relevant?" Donnie asked._

_"Because it is." said Rob Paulsen, who wasn't there._

Donnie was horrified. It was relevant all along!

olletanoD got out of the bed and embraced Michelangelo and whispered words of apology and comfort to him.

"So REaph" Leo said arrogantly "Does this make you wanna treat me better?"

"YOU FUCKING HO" RAPh yelled. "HOW IS THIS SUPPOSED TO MAK ME TEAT U BETTER?! FUCK YOU, LEO. I'M FUCKING DONE WITH U. FUSK ALL OF YOU." AND then he took Spike and ran out of the lair.

Leo's jwa dropped. Then he began to cry bloody tears of sadness. He looked at Donnie and screamed "DONATELLO YOU FUCKING DICK THIS ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT"

Donnie looked at Leo. And he was rage. "My fault? MY FUCKING FAULT?! Uh, no. This is all YOUR faulet, Leo. You were the one who kept prostituting yourself to me and putting my relationship with Miley in jeopardy. Just go fuck yourself, Leo. You fucking disgust me."

"We were going to name our son after you, Leo." Mikey said angrily. "But now we lost all respect for you. So now we're gonna name him Albert Einstein Stein."

"_If_ we have a son." Donnie added.

"Whatever" said Mikey, rolling his eyes.

And then they walked away, leaving Leonardo alone with his own misery and self-regret. This is what he gets for being an uncharacteristic asshole.

Raphael ran out of the sat on a bench. He was so sad. He couldn't believe Leotardo was cheating on him again even though he should jave learned his lesson after what happened with Karai. He got a heroin cabaret and spiked it, and was about to spork it. But then Nucky Thompson came from over ninety years ago in the past and sat next to Raph on the bench and said "boy lemme tell u wat."

Raph turned to look at Nucky and freezed. He looked into Nucky's gorgeous glistening electric blue eyes that are the most absolutely beautiful things ever. They were like the most beautiful sapphires on the crown of a princess standing in the sweet illumination of the pale moonlight and gave off intoxication like a thousand splendid suns. They put Raphael in a trance. Those beautiful eyes…They were just like Leonardo's…

Then Raph had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed. He now knew he had to go back hime and make amends with everyone. He began to run back to the lair. "Thanks, Nucky!" he said as he was running.

"No problem, Raph." Nucky said even though he didn't actually do anything.

So Raph went home. But first, he stopped at Jared. He wanted to get a little something for Leo. He picked out a diamond ring with a big diamond in the middle. It was lined with twenty=two diamonds and the inlay was made of lapis lazuli, and the metal was made up of fourteen carrot white gold. He had something big planned out.

Leo was sitting on the couch, watching Fargo in solace. He was still crying, even though Fargo's a funny movie (90% of it, anyway). These wounds won't seem to heal. This pain is just too real. There's just too much that time cannot erase.

Then Raph came in, holding the ring he picked out in a box behind his back. Leo just looked at him with apologetic eyes, wondering if he'd take him back.

Raph got on one knee and Leo looked at him. Rap pulled out the box (don't ask from where) with the ring in it. He opened the box. Leo gasped.

It was a diamond ring with a big diamond in the middle. It was lined with twenty=two diamonds and the inlay was made of lapis lazuli, and the metal was made up of fourteen carrot white gold. It was the most beautiful engagement ring ever.

"Will you marry me, Leonardo?" Raphael asked hopefully.

Leonardo squeed and hugged Raphael and they began to kiss passionately.

Donnie and Mikey were watching the whole thing from a few inches away. "He went to Jared…" Mikey whispered romantically.

Then Donnie decided to maye as well pop the question now too. He got on one knee and Mikey looked at him. Donie pulled out the box (don't ask from where) with his homemade ring in it. He opened the box. Mikey gasped.

It was a fourteen carrot gold ring with a big diamond in the middle that Donnie took the time to make from compressing coal. It was aligned with blue topazes that were the same color as Mikey's eyes. It was the most beautiful engagement ring ever.

"Will you marry me, Michelangelo?" Donatello asked hopefully.

Michelangelo squeed and hugged Donatello and they began to kiss passionately.

All of the turtles were all so fucking happy that t they soon started making out passively with each other an d they began to have a foursome. They fucked to the soothing melody of Steve Buscemi getting stuffed into a shredder (geddit? shredder? Yeah whatever this pretty much has nothing to do with TMNT at this point).

Then the whole room shook because of something that was happening above. It was a giant nuclear explosion.

The explosion made the living room shake that caused a disruption in thesex and some jizz got on the floor. The turtles weren't sure about what was happening. They deceid to go up to the surface to get see what the Hell was going on up there. SO THEY OPENED the manhole cover to leave the swer (because that's where they lived).

They gaspu

Characters from all sorts of characters from all soryts of franchizes were battling each other in a bloody and unexplanacble battle. As this was going on, My Chemical Romance was on a big stage, performing fitting battle music (they had gotten back together just for this fight). I'll list a few things that was happening but not everything or else theis story would be longer then a Stephen King book. Mario and Sonic were having a gun fight, which Sonic won and Mario died because Sonic games are freaking awesome whilst Mario games are just the same fucking thing over and over again. Son Goku, Naruto Uzumaki, Monkey D. Luffy, and Ichigo Kurosaki were having an epic battle that was better than every fight scene in all their shows combined. Goku won and fangirls all over the world wipt and wept and drowned in their own tears. Kirby was eating the corpses of Bob and Larry from Veggie Tales. Every Digimon, Pokémon, and Bakugon were trying to kill each other but they all got theiur throats slit by the tops from Beyblade. Yakko Warner crushed Pinkie Pie's skull because she had decapitated Wakko and Dot. Out of grief for his brother and sister and after getting their vengeance, Yakko shot himself in the head. "Goodnight everybody" were his last words as bloody tears of sadness went down his black and white face as he pulled the trigger. Blood and brains splattered onto the sidewalk in a beautiful array of red, purple, and gray. It was the most beautiful and emotional death scene in all of ever. ANYWAY. Bugs Bunny got a giant bomb that was about 8x the size of John Goodman and used it to kill Mickey Mouse. Robert Irvine got SpongeBob and all of his friends and turned them into delicious sushi. All of the char ers from Axis Powers Hetalia turned on each other and began to fight. Everybody died except for Russia, who was then shot in the back by Mega Man, who was then incinerated by the Pyro from Team Fortress 2, who was then killed by an anvil that fell from the sky. Barney the dinosaur and Hip Hop Harry were having a fist fight over who was more intimidating and annoying. The lead mouse from Cinderella, Jacques, got a tooth pick and used it to stab Pinky in the heart. The Brain rushed to his companion's side and cradled him in his mousey arms. With his dying breath, Pinky told Brain how much he loved him. And with a final "narf", he was dead. The Brain screamed at the top of his lungs and got out a tiny AK-47 and massacred all of the mice from Cinderella. And then Monty Python stepped on him. All of a sudden, blood began raining down from the grey sky above and the fight was beginning to intestify. It got in everyone;s mouthes. It tasted like metal. Peop;le were diying left and right. The acrid stench of decay and gunpowder filled the atmosphere. Tony Soprano and Nucky Thompson were shooting each other. Nucky killed Tony because he has gorgeous electric blue eyes and if he were to be killed, thou who shalt kill him must burn in the bowels of Hell for four hundred years. He then proceeded to hit Tony's corpse with the corpse of Johnny Quest, who had been killed by Bill Cosby about twenty minutes ago. Katniss Everdeen was shooting ppl with arrows until she got electrocuted by Thor, who was then killed by Iron Man who had betrayed him and the res of the Avengers because he's a dick. Loki then came from the sky and all of the surviving females squeed because he's really hot but not nearly as hot as steve buscemi was in desperado. He proceeded to behead Knuckles the echidna to which maede Sonic mad and he kicked Loki in the ballz and Amy Rose bashed his head in with her Piko Piko Hammer. And then she was crushed to death by Big the cat, who fell from the sky and was stabbed in the back by Luke Skywalker who was trying to lead Big Bird to safety because he's too innocent to be a part of this. Harry Potter did a spell on Dr. Who #9 "Abra Kedavra!" And then he got hit by one of Katniss's arrows even though she was already ded. Miku Hatsune got a machine gun and was shot all of the characters from Touhou. Nucky got a sword from Ichigo's corpse and used it to cut Miku in half. Since she was a computer program, she didn't bleed blood. Instead, an endless amount of 0s and 1s bbegan to pour out of her. And then she died. Then Lightning McQueen drove in. Nucky shot and killed him. Then he got inside of him (he's a fucking car; don't get the wrong idea, you pervs) and started him up. He then ran over Mr. Pink, who was crossing the street carrying a satchel of diamonds. Marisa Kirisame, who was the only Touhou character who survived Miku's wrath, was about to loot the diamonds, but Nucky shot her too. Then Nucky got out of the car and he muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY and there was an explosion. Then, Kip the mighty mythical Magic Whale began to sing out in pain as the turmoil was breaking his heart. "SHUT THE FUCK UP" Nucky snapped as he shot Kip. But Kip dodged it. "WHY WON'T YOU FCUKING DIE?!" NUCKY YELLED. "Scrub all the floors in Hyrule and then we can talk about dying." The Magic Whale declared. He then built a gigantic fortrewesss 2 dispway and prtect himself. But it was made of paper so Nucky set it on fire. Kip began to cry-lenol because of the unholy might of Enoch "Nucky" Thompson. "NOT LIKE THIS! NOT LIKE THIS!" Kip sceamed. Kip then exploded and whale guts and blubber and flubber got on everyone. Nucky growled in frustration; his suit was ruined! Out of frustration, he stabbed Sulley in the heart. Blood began to pour out like a fountain. "Nooooooooooo!" Sulley shrieked. "u killd mi!" He started screaming and running around in circles like a lemming. Then he fell down and died. Nucky smirked, his radiantly beautiful electric blue eyes flashing with a look of strength and powah. Mike Wazowski then screamed and brust into tears. They forgot to mention this in the movie but he and Sulley were secretly lovers. Mike fell to the ground. He died of a broken heart. Then Barney's half-brother, Baloney, came and was all happy-wappy. "You all make me feel Yum-Yum Doodle-Dum!" he said. And then an anvil fell on him. There were more fighting. Sonic went Super Hyper Dark Darkspine Demon Ultra Sonic and Goku went Super Saiyan Over 9000. They began 2 spare. Sharkboy and Lavagirl began to fight off some people. But then Jacob Black killed both of them because of yes. Nucky wasn't sure how he was going to defeet this werewolf bishounen. Then the sprit of Jimmy Darmody came down and told him everything he needed to knew…WOO WOO WOO. So Nucky got out a machine gun and yelled "TASTE THE RAINBOW, MOTHERFUCKERS!" AND THEN HE began to shoot Jacob, Kirby, Solid Snake, Invader Zim, Optimums Prime, and all of the Smurfs. Then Fox McCloud flew in on his Arwing and he did a barrel roll. He began dropping bowms and things were sploding. But Goku fired a Kamehameha at it and it went boom. Then Holden Caulfield came in. He exploded and turned into Shia LaBeouf. His presence in this battle was absolutely unacceptable. Goku screamed in Japanese and fired his ultimate attack. Then My Chemical Romance tired and left, so One Direction took their place. Like with Shia LaBeouf, their presence was unacceptable. And then all of One Direction turned into lamps for some reason. A bunch of other stuff happened, too.

The Turtles got tired of watching this epic battle and decided to intervene. They ran to a pile of the corpses of every character from Game of Thrones and Evangelion. And standing at the very tippy top was Nucky

"Nucky, what's going on?" Raphael asked.

"It's a long and complicated story." Nucky said.

"No it isn't" said somebody else. A young girl with purple eyes and enoby black haire with a red ribbon in it walked up to them, holding the bloody severed head of Sailor Moon in her left hand and a jet black bow in her right. It was Homura Akemi! She began to explain. "There is a disturbance in the force. The goddess Madoka Kaname is going through severe grief. You have no idea how much of a bad thing that is. It is foretold by me that somebody has to come with me to save her. Otherwise, she'll unwillingly destroy the fabric of reality itself. And that'd be bad. And I need the help of the Chosen One. That's why every one is fighting; so we can see the Chosen One is."

"That IS a long and complicated story." Donatello said.

"It isn't if you're from the same franchise as Madoka." Homura said with a shrug.

Barney dropped Hip Hop Harry's corpse to the groind and said. "What a super-dee-dooper story!"

The turtles looked at each other and decided to join the fright. It'd be fun to save the universe. So they began fighting. And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS?!"

It was Dumbledore!

"Shut the fuck up, old man!" Raphael snapped. "Can't yousee we're sfighting to see who the Chosen One is?!"

"Very well." Dumblydore said anirly. "Butt we cannot do this. We can't kill each other like barbaric beasts over who the Chosen One is. There's only one true Chosen One who is capable of stopping Madoka Kaname from destroying the universe and all who inhabit it and I know who it is. And his name is….. Hamato Donatello!"

Everyone looked at the purple banded turtle.

"Me?" said Donnie in shock.

"Yes, you!" snapped Dumbledork. "Now, Miss Akemi, take Donatello to fulfill his great destiny."

"Yes, sir." Homura said. She took Donnie's hand and they disappeared in a flash of light hat engulfed them.

Hormua and Donimielattlo went through the bright-ass light portal thingamajig and began to feel the very single thread of ulitimate universe manipulating power of Madoka. And this thread left to the rest of the power of realty and the universe. Homura stayed in a calm state the whole tiome because this is the fifth or sixth time this happened but this was the first time she needed the Chosen One. Donatello, however, was screaming the whole beacuase his mere body couldn't contain the ]power of Meduka. And then his body gave out and he died. The end.

Except not really. Donie and Ho,eua ended up in this black and white checked hallway. They began walking down it.

"Hey bitch what the fuck is going on" Donnue asjed.

Homura said "I already explained it and I won'y dp it again

"Yeah okay" donie said "but what do YOU have to do with any of this?"

Homura stopped in her place. She had a flash back to when Madoka was a human and they met for the first time in an alternate timeline.

_Okay so this was when Homyra used to be a wimp. She used to wear glasses and wear her hair in braids and she had some heart condition. Her nonexistent parents made her transfer to Mitakihara Middle School. During free period, a bunch of girls croweded her and started asking questions about things that they don;t need to no._

_"What school did you come from, Akemi-san?" they asked. "Were you in any cool clubs? Your hair is so long! It must take forever to braid"_

_Humra was 2 shy to answer._

_But then a cute pink hair girl walked up to everyome. "I'm sorry, everyone. Akemi-san has to spend free periods in the nurse's office to take her medicine." _

_"Is that right?" said the other girsl."We're sorry nas-imekA" and they walked away from Homry_

_Homura lookede up at bthe pink hair girl_

_"I'm the class's nurse's aid." the gurl sed "Ill take u 2 da nurse office"_

_so dey weny walkin down da hall_

_"I'm Madoka Kaname" said the girl "But you can justcall me Madoka Is it okay if I call u Homura-chan?"_

_Homura was shocked. "B-But I…I've hardly ever been called by my first name. It's such a weird name too…"_

_"Aw, no it isn't!" Madoka said cheefullt. "I think it's a really cool neame!"_

_Homura's eyes shifted and she whispered, "I think you have a nice ass…"_

And then a bunch of crazy shit happens that involves time travel and magic and aliens and shit like that. Uh yeah Homura and Madoka were lesbians. They never blatantly state it in the anime but it's really fucking obvious by the last episode.

Homura and Donnie laned on of a platform in the middle of outer space. Donnie look around. There was blackness and stars and things everywhere. Then he looked at Homerun. She was staring at somebody. And Daonnie started satring too.

In front of them was a giantess that was surrounded by a heavenly glow. She was wearing a pure white dress and had really long pink hair in pigtails. She was crying out in agony. Her heart was consumed by darkness. It was Madoka Kaname. She was going through unbearable despair. Being Meguca is suffering.

"Is that her?" Donnie asked.

"Did you NOT read the above paragraph?" Homeure snappued. Homura then stepped forward and held up a grief seed to Madoka. "Madoka! Remember your wish! You don't need to despair! I have everything under control!"

Donnie was really confused about what was going on and he didn't understand why he needed to be here for this.

Madoka stopped crying and opened her amber eyes and smiled kindly and stuff. "Thank you, Homura-chan and Donatello-kun, for all you have done for me" she said gratefully as she opened her arms. "Even I have no reason to despair!"

"Wait, what did I do?" Donatello asked.

Then there was a big flash of light that engulfed the whole \screen. Homura and Donnie screamed as the blast was blowing them away.

"MADOKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" HOMURA SCREAMED

And then everything went black.

Donatello found himself trapped in a white void. Well, it wasn't really white; more like a really pale pink.

There standing before him was Madoka. Only now she was about Homura's size.

Madoka then said to Donatello, "Every time you fall asleep, you die. Someone else wakes up in your body, thinking they are you. You are alone and trapped in your own mind. The world around you is your lie. Soon you will be nothing; you will never again hear sounds, never again see colors, never again be ANYONE."

And then suddenly Donnie and Homura were back on Earth.

Leo, Raph, amd Mikey ran to Donnie and they huuged him and Don and Mik made out passionately. Homura just watched it happened and imagined that she was making out with Madoka.

All of their new friends began to congratulate Donnie for saving the universe and they applauded him and said hooray and stuff like that. They did this because they were oblivious of the fact that Donnie didn't actually do anything.

"CONGRATULATIONS!" Said Nucky Thompson

"CONGRATULATIONS!" Said Dumbledore

"CONGRATULATIONS!" Said Sonic

"CONGRATULATIONS!" Said Goku

"CONGRATULATIONS!" Said Barney

"CONGRATULATIONS!" Said Iron Man

"CONGRATULATIONS!" Said Luke Skywalker

"CONGRATULATIONS!" Said Big Bird

"CONGRATULATIONS!" Said Rob Paulsen

"CONGRATULATIONS!" Said fucking everybody

To celebrate, everyone went to a nightclub. The people there were in there twerking as Vanilla Ice was rapping songs from the nineties on a big stage. Everybody froze and looked at the people who just came into the club. Then they started cheesing. They all started twerking again. All of the characters were all like why the fuck not and they started twerking along with them as Vanilla Ice rapped "go ninja go ninja go" Everyone had a really fun time at the club. They drank a lot of booze. They smoked some cigarettes and did some drugs.

And then everyone went to the Turtle's lair. They ate pizza and they drank soda and they watched reruns of Full House.

A few weeks later, the turtles had their double wedding. It was the wedding of the century. All of their friends came and they had a fun time. Vanilla Ice came, too. He was on a big stage rapping "go ninja go ninja go" and everyone twerked. They partyed until nightfall. Then the turtles went back to their layer and the newly weds had sex.

As he lay in his wedding bed, Donatello reflected on what has happened over the course of this adventure. He was part of an emotional conflict that honestly didn't really need to exist in the first place, he got married, and he saved the universe. This was probably the most eventful thing to happen in five months. Donnie held Mikey close and they fell into a peaceful slumber, shrouded by their unbreakable bond.

And then Michelangelo got pregnant. The end.

TO BE CONTINUED MAYBE

* * *

**And thus ends part two of this epic adventure.**

**Part 3 coming soon! Trust me, it'll be the worst of all...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Well, here it is! Part 3; the exciting conclusion.**

**I swear, this will be the worst part of all. **

**Swallow your pride and brave through the finale of this beautiful, heartwarming "story."**

* * *

THE BEST DAMN TMNT FIC EVAH

PART 3 (The Finale)- THE STAR CHILD

Previously on The Best Damn Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Fanfic Evah trilogy…

_As he lay in his wedding bed, Donatello reflected on what has happened over the course of this adventure. He was part of an emotional conflict that honestly didn't really need to exist in the first place, he got married, and he saved the universe. This was probably the most eventful thing to happen in five months. Donnie held Mikey close and they fell into a peaceful slumber, shrouded by their unbreakable bond._

_And then Michelangelo got pregnant. The end._

AND NOW. THE BEST DAMN TMNT FIC EVAH FINALE.

PART 3- THE STAR CHILD.

Nimh mnths have passed sonce the last epoioside. Leonardo and Raphael got married and so died Donatello and Michelangelo. And Mcheilangelo was praegnant with Donalienatello's child. Because that's completely possible.

It was really stressful around the house now because of the sideaffects of pregnancy. Mikey had horrible mood swings and he had the most bizarre cravings. Luckily, the due date was only days away but then it'd be even more stressful around here because it'd be around the clock turtle baby care. Even still, the turtles would love Mikey's child because they have to.

Raph had quit his job at McDunalds co he could help take care of Michley. So now they don't have any income anymore. But that's okay because their gangster friend, Enoch "Nucky" Thompson, sent them a big check from Atlantic City every week. But that didn't really mater because Donnie had becum an successfuyl author in the matter if months. He was writing a science fiction series called _Alfredo_ and had already published the first book, _Alfred n the Fettuc_, whioch had already won a Newberry Award for being the best book in all of ever. And it was such a moving story that Donatello won the Nobel Prize for existing. And he's only fifteen. Goddamn, he really IS the Chosen One. So now the turtles were pretty much loaded.

So it was the day before the

"OMFG NO!" Donnie suddenly started screaming.

"What's wrong, honey?!" Mikey cried out.

But Donnie didn't say anything. His eyes rolled up and he had a vision.

It was of this creepy looking dude with red eyes. He looked at Donnie with a really creepy stare.

"Hamato Donatello, the Chosen One." he said. "My name is ?. I am a demon vanquished ten thousand years ago by The Star Child, a demigoddess warrior who is reborn every ten thousand years. This reincarnation of The Star Child will be birthed by your lover/foster brother, Michelangelo. Also, this is pretty much the reason why you're the Chosen One. You were chosen to be the father of the reincarnation of The Star Child. Tomorrow, Michelangelo shall give birth to The Star Child. And within the first three days after she is born, you must kill her for me."

"Hell no!" Donnie snapped. "She'll be my daughter! I don't want to kill her!"

"Youmust!" said ?. "And if you refuse, then I shall kill not only The Star Child, but Michelangelo as well."

"Okay, let's back up." Donnie said. "Who are you, why are you doing this, and how do you know this is going to happen? In fact, how do you even know my name?"

"I have telekinesis." ? replied. "And if you don't kill the child, then say goodbye to Michelangelo!" he shouted.

And then the vision ended.

Then his eyes went back to normal and he said, "I just had a vision of what is to become of us and our baby, Miley!"

"What is it?" Mikch asked.

"You'll see. Hold on, I need to se if this is right." Donnie aid and went to the computer to look up what ? told him and see if it was legit. He looked up "the star child" on Wikipedia and…IT WAS ALL TRUE! ? WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG! SO MIKEY AND THE BABY ARE NOW IN GRAVE DANGER! OH NO!

Donnie called a meeting for everyone but only Mikey showed up. Donnie went looking for the two older turtles. He found them in their room, doin' it. They had been horny in a half-shell. HAHAHAHAHA GEDDIT? HEROES IN A HALF SHELL. HORNY IN A HALF SHELL. IT'S A FUCKING JOKE. LAUGH.

So wen dey ere dun, they joined teh oters. Donnie told them what ? had told him and said they needed to contact all their friends to protect them, eben though nothing was going to hirt them but the turtles wanted to protect them.

The next morning all of the friends from last tim and a bunch of other friends that weren't mentioned befoe n came down to the . Donnie excplained the situationb and everyone was shocked. They promised to do whatever they could to protect Mikey and The Star Child, no matter what it takes. They settled that as soon as the baby was born, they would flee NYC so ? won'r knw where the baby is.

That afternoon, Michelangelo went into labor. Everyone came to witness the majestic birth of the Star Child. After a few complications that happened due to the lack of a uterus, Michelangelo gave birth to a healthy and adorable little mutant turtle girl thing who was The Star Child. She looked mostly like Mikey but she had Donnie's eye color which was cute. She was named Hoshiko (dat means "child of the stars").

After everything was settled and it was assured that Hoshiko would be okay, everyone packed up and ran for the hills. They left New York and fled to McIntyre, Georgia. They moved into an abandoned little house but it was too snug. So Nucky set them up with one of his gangster friends, a tanuki con artist named Tom Nook, who gave a too-goo-to-be-true deal and made the house bigger. And then he charged them $50,000.

Since ? didn't know where they are, everyone remained protected and sheltered. Little Hoshiko-chan was growing up just fine. Her parents/uncles loved her very mitch.

But then one day, they got a letter in the mail. It was from ?! It said "I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE MOTEHRFUCKERS I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND KILL EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU MYSELF."

"GODDAMN IT!" Raoph yelled when he read the lettre.

"Alright everyone." Leo announced. "We need to pack up. ?'s found us. We're heading for Fargo."

So everyone obeyed the order and began to pack up to leave fir Fargo, North Carolina…or was it North Dakota? I forget. Lemme Google it…Yeah, it's Dakota.

Suddenly, Randall Boggs from Monsters Inc. came into the house and said everyone we need to talk.

"What would _you_ know, Randall?! You're just a little Pixar character!"

"I may be a Pixar character…" Radnall said angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A MADOKAIST!"

Everyone gaspu. Pixar characters strictly believed in Haruhism. So it surprised them to hear that Randlall believed in Madokaism.

"This cannot be!" exclaimed Homura.

"Can be." said Rangall "Annd I have something to show yoyu." He then muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY and suddenly a beautifully burning bright purple ball of blaze materialized.

"How did you do that?" asked Nucky Thompson.

"I dunno." replied Randla. "It's just a thing I do."

Donnie stared into the b=laze but he could't understang it. "But what does this mean, Dumbledore?" he asked

"U c, Donayellow," Dumblewhore said as he was staring into the blaze. "2 c what is in da flame, u must find your self 1st, k?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Donmie asked.

"I don't fucking know." replied Dumbledore. "Now leave me alone you piece of shit i have a headache."

"OMFG NO!" Donnie suddenly started screaming.

"What is wrong, my student?!" Dumbledum cried out.

Yeah yeah Donnie-chan's having another vision blah blah blah i don't want to copy and paste the whole scene again.

"Donatello…" said the person in de vision. It was ?! "I'm coming closer. Flee or fight. That is your choice. I will kill your daughter and husband of you dont."

And then the vision ended.

"? is coming!" Donnie announced. "We can't keep running away like cowards! We haf tp fight him now!"

"But how?" asked Big Bird. "We're no match for him!:"

"Shut the fuck up, you fucking Muppet." DonNiie saied meanly. "It doesn't matter. The lives of the love of my lif and our child is n gret denger. If we keep running, ? jeep folloeing us until we have nowher else 2 run and we'll all be in deep shit. If we fught, we can jus get this stupidity over with. WE MYST FIGHT."

"u no what dis meens rite" said Special Agent Oso "we're goin 2 war"

So everyone geared up and got ready 2 go 2 wr.

The night of the battle, Donnie and Mikey put Hoshiko to bed. She cooed cutely and grabbed Donnie's finger with a tight grip. She was so strong. She was destined for greatness. Oh, yes. One day, soon enough, she'd be a beautiful and powerful unbalanced character.

Her parents looked at each other with sad eyes.

"Don't worry, Miley." S+Donnie seaid dramtically, putting his hands on Mikies shoulders with confidence. "Hoshi-chan will be okay. We won't let this dickhead hurt her."

So the turtles and friends got together in an army. Before they went, Leonardo made a powerful and inspiring speech about the power and magic of friendship and how it was going to guarantee their win.

"LAME." everyone replied. And they were right.

And so they all marched outside. The sky was ash grey and it was raining blood. On a big stage, One Direction was on a stage, trying to perform fitting battle music. But the good guys told them to fuck off and they left, cowering in fear.

? was standing there with his evil army of doom- Snape, Sesshomaru, Deadpool, Team Rocket, Godzilla, Samus Aaron, Greg Heffley, Donkey Kong, Dr. Eggman, Yamcha, the Cat in the Hat, Kyuubey, King Dedede, Simon Belmont, Eric Lecarde, Charlie Brown, Doc McStuffins, Steve from Blue's Clues, Cedric from Sofia the First, Sid the Science Kid, Revolver Ocelot, Captain Ginyu, Beast Boy, and that annoying goose from _Charlotte's Web_. There were also a bunch of generic people with them, like Foot Clan soldiers and some Pokémons.

"MEAST BOI!" Mikey screamed. "WHY DID YOU BETRAYED ME!" Mikey and Best Buy were bffs. In fact, Beast Boy was the man of honor at the wedding. So Milky felt betrayed bcause now his friend was siding with the guy who wants himand his baby dead. "WHY ARE YOU IN THE BAD GUY ARMY?!

"I don't know!" Beast boy crid out. "I'm just doing what the author's telling me to do!"

And then the fright began.

"FOR NARNIA!" LEO ROARED

So they began fighting.

Goku screamed in Japanese and fired an attack that killed Yamcha, Sesshomaru, and Captain Ginyu. Dumbledore turned Cedric into a pineapple. Steve was too distraced trying to find Blue's clues to figure out what Blue wanted for snack only to be shot in the back by Nucky. Doc McStuffins, Sid the Science Kid, and Big Bird fled because they were too innocent to be a part of this. A bunch of other stuff happened, too.

Michelangelo and Beast Boy faced each other. Betrayal and rage were flaring in there eyes.

Beast Boy was holding a burrito in his hand. "Don't make me throw this at you, Mikey…"

"Wait a minute," said Mikey. "You can transform into literally any fucking animal and you choose just to throw that fucking burrito at me?"

"Yeah." replied Beast Boy.

"You fucking idiot." said Mikey as he bashed Beast Boy's skull in with his nunchaku. As he walked away from the corpse, he whispered "Goodbye, my friend…" and shed a single tear.

ANYWAY.

Nucky and Randall used up their team up attach. A bunch of bad guys were heading there way. So they looked at each other and noddd and said their secret spell- "Well if you wanted honesty that's all you haD TO SAY" and then a building exploded and a bunch of bad guys died.

Iron Man/Tony Stark took a pic of the explosion and sent out a tweet that said- "Pretty much going through Armageddon right now #GETMEOUTOFTHISFANFIC"

And then Goku turned into a TV and everything pretty much went to shit.

There were more fighting and a bunch of people were dropping dead. This is when the most powerful warrior, Mary Sue, stepped in.

Princess Mary Sue Celestia Luna Cadence Twilight Haruhi Haruka Hana Miku Rin Luka Christianna Janelle Nicolle Nadia Lauren Yuno Yume Yuki Yvette Mirai Madoka Sayaka Mami Kyouko Homura Alice Madonna Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Tara Angelina Contessa Louisa Banana-Fanna Bo Besca Pizza McShit the Third was the ultimate life form. She was older than time itself but she but would be eternally physically fourteen. Her hair was golden like the sun with royal purple streaks in it. Her eyes shined like pearls and changed color depending on her emotion. She had cat ears and angel wings and a monkey tail. She was wearing a pair of blue jeans and a skimpy red tank top. She had boobs as big as cantaloupes. She always had a majestic golden glow that shimmered around her like a thousand splendid suns. She was the immortal princess of the magical land of Purple Twilight. She wielded incredible powers that were unlimited. She was half-human, half-angel, half-demon, half-cat, half-robot, half-Saiyan, half-hedgehog, half-fox, half-turtle, half-octopus, half-Vocaloid, half-platypus, half-goddess, and half-whatever. She could talk to animals, enter dreams, make anyone fall in love with her, and destroy planets by pounding her fist into the ground. The only things more powerful than her are God and (eventually) Hoshiko.

…And then an anvil dropped from the sky and killed her because i don't feel like developing this character.

"NO!" LEO yelled. "She was our only hope!"

"She was pregnant with my child!" Raph screamed, emotionally torn/

Leo looked at Raph. "WHAT?!"

"Nothing." Raph said, avoiding eye contact.

Sp they kept on fighting. The tyrtle tried to fight ?/ and they had no idea how o defeet hime.

"WAHAHAHAH!" ? LAUGHED. "FUOOLS! You'll never find my weakness, and therefore you can never defeat me!"

The turtles were like oh no because they realized they'd never be able to defeet ? and Hoshiko was doomed to death.

But den! These two weird looking kids ran into the battlefield. One of them had black hair and wore a white hockey mask, blue jeans, and a black hoody that said "Avril Lavinge" on the back. The other was brunette kid who was kind of cute i guess but not really. It was Drake Parker and Casey Jones/Josh Nichols!

"We know how to help!" they sed.

As Casey/Josh/Whatever pulled his hockey stick out of his pants and began fighting off the bad guys as Drake pulled his guitar with his own pants and began singing their theme song- "IT'S GONNA TAKE SOME TIME TO REALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZE"

? suddenly started scimming. "GAH! OH, GOD! NO! MUSIC! ONE OF MY FEW WEAKNESSES!"

The turtles looked at eachotehr. they ow knew how to defeet / ande thy knew hust what to do. so some instruments suddenly materialized in their hands and they began to sing songs from their Coming Out Of Their Shells tour. It was some shitty turtles thing they did in the nineties. So they were singing "Pizza Power," which was pretty much the best song in the whole Coming Out of the Closet tour. I was going to copy and paste the lyrics here but I don't think that;s legal.

"It's not working!" Dumbledore exclaimed. "Quick! You must use the stupid rap song the Shredder sang! That was the worst song in the whole damn thing!"

"But we can't use it!" Leonardo sed. "The Shdreder has to sing it! And he…um…Guys, what ever happened to the Shredder?"

The tuirtles looked at each other confuzzeld. They honestly forgot who the Shredder was up until this very moment. So, seeking an answer, they looked at me, the author. And honestly, I have no idea what's going on.

But them…Snape shot Dumblydoe! He fell down to the ground, bleeding.

"DUMBLEDORE, NO!" DONATELLO CRIED OUT. HE kneeled down next to his mentor and tiok his hand. "Dumpledore, please! Speak to me!"

Dunblesore looked up at him with a weak smile. "Dontaleo…You are ready to fulfill tour truly great destiny as the Chosen One. You muct win this battle. Avenge me…and protect Hoshiko…Farewell, Donatello…" And then he died.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O!" Donnie screamed (Oh my God that must've been the longest no ever). He looked at ?. "YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" He looked at Leo and Rasph. "Guys, if I don't come bacl, take care of Miley and Hoshi-chan." Ad ten he began ranning towards ?.

"DONNIE!" Michelandeglo schgereamed, starting to rune after hime. "DONATELLO, MY BELOVED LOVE! DON:T LEAVEME ALMONE TO REAISE THS CHILE ALON!"

"Shut up, Mikey!" Raph snapped, holding him bac. "This is Donnie's fight now."

Mik_ey fell to his knees, crying. He prayed that Donuue will come ack alive.

Dobatlello and ? standing face 2 face. They began sparring and stuff but alas, ? was a lot mor powewrful the Doniie even though he's the chosen one.

"FOOL!" SAID ?. "You'll bener be abel to defeat me!"

Donne was sad niw. He knew he couldn't win. he had failed his daughter, his lover, and all their friends…

"I can help you, Donnie!" said somebody who's voice will uncannily similar to Donnatello's.

Doniw looked around, confuzzel. "Who said dat?"

And then…ROB PAULSEN SHOWED UP! And he brought the ultimate secret weapon of secretness.

? looked extremely scray now. "OH SHIT. OH NO."

Mr. Paulsen brought a special weapon that could only be used by him and Yakko Warner. But Yakko committed suicide last episode so now the only valid one left was Mr. Paulsen. He then used the weapon, that Nations of the World song from Animaniacs. It was a sacred song that had only grew more powerful since its birth twenty years ago. It was written by an immortal prophet named Randy Rogel who entrusted Yakko and Mr. Paulsen to use it wisely and against great enemies, although they misused the song in order to go viral on the internet. But, for the first time ever, Mr. Paulsen was about to use it correctly. I was going to copy and paste the lyrics here but I don't think that;s legal.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screaed ?. And then he exploded.

Donnie stood back up. "Holy shit! Thanks, Rob! You're a lifesaver!"

"No problem, Donnie." Rob Paulsen said with a wink. And then he faded away like a magical illusion…

ANYAWY, Donnie ran back to everyone else. "WE WON!" HE EXCLAIMED.

Everyone cheered with glee.

"REMEMBER THE ALAMO!" Leo said in triumph.

Everyone surrounded Donnie and cheered "CONGRATULATIONS!" and Mikey leaped into Donnie's embrace and they kissed passionately.

Everybody just assumed Donnie had killed ? and didn'r give Mr. Paulsen any credit. Donnie justr went along with it and didn't even mention Mr. Paulsen's beautiful sacrifice.

So with that said and done, al of the friends went back home and the turtles went back to New York. They planned to raise little Hoshiko to grow up into a powerful little kunoichi. They would always love her and protect her because they have to.

The Star Child was in the safe hands of the Chosen One now, and would be under his safe protection forever and ever.

And then everyone died. The end.

…No, seriously. It's over. I'm done with this shit. Go home.

* * *

**And that's it! The dramatic conclusion! **

**I'm kind of disappointed in how this part turned out...but maybe that's a sign of I succeeded in what I was trying to do- make this as hilariously bad. And while I think this part wasn't quite as good as the previous two, I still find parts of this funny. And hopefully, you will too. **

**But the good news is...IT'S FINALLY OVER! **

**Now quickly, children, run along and pray to God that I won't do anything like this ever again. I plan on writing more serious stuff from now on. This'll probably one of the few times I'll do a parody. I swear, anything else I will write will be intelligible.**

**Please review, but only if you have something nice to say. This is a parody, so this is the only time I won't accept criticism and will take any form of it as an insult.**

**Thank you for your patience. Goodbye.**


End file.
